I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
