paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am