you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!