I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.