Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.