using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
