Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
