the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
