I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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