Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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