piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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