I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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