i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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