I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize