I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
