if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
