My liver just broke up with me...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
