I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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