i permit you to call me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
