So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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