I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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