They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
