I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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