Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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