omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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