I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
