Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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