Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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