Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
