I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
