he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
