Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
