Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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