We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
