I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
