I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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