You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
