my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
