I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize