planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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