god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
