sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
