I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
