i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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