"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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