My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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