if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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