just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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