Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
