Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
