She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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