Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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