i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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