Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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