I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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