i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
