It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
