he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
