If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
