i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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