someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize