my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
