It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
